Book 1
Marriage With a Flexible Guest List
Why is butter the key to the first date?
Use the alphabet to jump directly to a letter... or start at A and discover how quickly a dictionary can stop feeling educational.
Jump to a letter
A
- AC/DC
- Someone who enjoys both same-sex and opposite-sex fun. Basically, their bed doesn’t care about gender... it’s open for all power sources. ⚡
- ADULT
- Sexually oriented material. Aka porn, smut, or that thing you “accidentally” left open when your boss walked by.
- ALL CULTURES
- Someone who enjoys any and all fetishes or sexual activities. The “buffet sampler” of kink...will try anything twice, just to be sure.
- AMERICAN CULTURE
- Missionary position... man on top. Apple pie, bald eagle, and lights out by 10.
- ANAL CREAMPIE
- When a guy finishes inside the backdoor and gravity takes care of the rest. Not for the faint of heart...or the faint of hygiene.
- ANAL SEX
- Anal intercourse. Commonly known as “butt stuff,” “the scenic route,” or “the road less traveled (for good reason).”
- ANALINGUS
- Licking or kissing your partner’s backside. Or as the pros call it, “tasting the rainbow, but from the wrong end.”
- ARTS
- A classy euphemism for fetishes. Because “bondage enthusiast” just doesn’t sound as refined as “patron of the erotic arts.”
- ATM (Ass to Mouth)
- When what went in the back comes out the front... immediately. Not recommended for germaphobes or those who say “ew” easily.
B
- BAREBACK
- Sex without a condom. Also known as “riding raw,” “cowboy style,” or “hope you both tested last week.”
- BBC
- Big Black Cock It's should be above 8 inches and they should come with a quart of lube as they generally hit new territory.
- BWC
- Big White Cock It should be above 8 inches, but not always. Lube is recommended and bring a ruler... the rest of us guys want to know.
- B&D / B/D / BDSM
- Bondage, Discipline, Dominance, Submission, Sadism, Masochism...basically adult trust falls with whips and safe words.
- BI / BISEXUAL
- Enjoys both men and women. Twice the options, twice the confusion at orgies.
- BI-CURIOUS
- Thinking about trying same-sex fun. They’re standing at the shallow end of the bi-pool, toe in, wondering if it’s warm.
- BIZARRE
- Unusual sexual desires...according to “normal” people who think socks in bed are kinky.
- BONDAGE
- Tying someone up for pleasure. For those who like their partners attached in every sense of the word.
- BULL
- The dominant man who joins a couple...especially in cuckold scenes. Think of him as the guest star who doesn’t need direction.
C
- CAN ENTERTAIN AND/OR TRAVEL
- Happy to host or visit for fun. Comes with their own luggage and condoms.
- CANING
- A spanking fetish using a cane...usually bamboo. The sound alone can make your butt clench in anticipation or fear (sometimes both).
- CHEATING
- Having sex behind your partner’s back...also known as “the lifestyle’s biggest party foul.”
- CLEAN
- Free of STDs and drama. The word everyone hopes means “recently tested,” not “I feel fine.”
- CLOSED DOOR / CLOSED SWINGING
- Each couple in their own room. The “Netflix and separate chill” version of swinging.
- CLOSET SWINGER
- A swinger who hides it from friends and family. Their alter ego’s name is probably “vanilla.”
- COUPLE (CPL)
- Two people...usually a man and woman...playing together. May come with shared rules, mixed signals, and matching outfits.
- CREAMPIE
- When he finishes inside her and you can see the evidence. Mother Nature’s version of a lava lamp.
- CUCKOLD
- A man who enjoys watching... or knowing... his wife plays with others. The only guy rooting for the other team.
- CUCKQUEEN
- The female version of a cuckold. She gets turned on by her man playing with someone else... proof that jealousy can be sexy when it’s mutual.
- CULTURE
- Another polite word for fetish. Because “I’m into culture” sounds better than “I own six paddles and a latex priest outfit.”
- CUNNILINGUS
- Oral attention to the vagina and clitoris. Requires enthusiasm, stamina, and a good chiropractor.
D
- D&D FREE
- Drug and Disease Free. Means “sober enough to consent” and “won’t send you home with antibiotics.”
- DILDO
- An artificial penis. Often better at its job, never asks for sandwiches afterward.
- DIRECTOR
- The person who runs a swing club. Basically the cruise director of your pants.
- DISCIPLINE
- A fetish involving control and punishment. Because sometimes a “time-out” needs handcuffs.
- DISCREET
- Being careful so the neighbors don’t find out. The opposite of live-streaming from your playroom.
- DISCRETE
- A word people use when they meant discreet. Grammar kink fail.
- DOCILE
- Happy to receive bondage or discipline. The human version of “do not disturb.”
- DOMESTIC TRAINING
- Obedience through chores. “Yes, Mistress, I’ll mop in my collar.” (Still counts as cardio.)
- DOMINANT
- The partner who takes control. Often owns the paddle, the power, and the playlist.
- DP (Double Penetration)
- Two entries, one destination. Requires teamwork, trust, and spatial awareness.
- DPV (Double Penetration Vagina)
- Two guys, one entry. Bring plenty of lube, your A-game, and your teamwork merit badge.
- DRAMA
- What happens when someone forgets swinging is supposed to be fun. If you bring jealousy to a party, take it home with you.
E
- ENGLISH CULTURE
- Getting turned on by spanking or caning. Basically Downton Abbey with a sore butt.
- EXHIBITIONIST
- Someone who gets off on being watched. If there’s a mirror, a window, or a camera nearby...they’re already halfway there.
F
- FAMILY FIRST
- Code for “We have kids, and we’ll need to find a sitter before the orgy.”
- FELLATIO / FRENCH CULTURE
- The fine art of oral pleasure on the penis. Vive la France... and don’t forget to tip your stylist.
- FETISH
- Arousal from objects, actions, or body parts not normally considered sexual. If someone says, “It’s a long story involving balloons,” just smile and nod.
- FLAGELLATION
- Getting turned on by being whipped or spanking someone. Think of it as cardio with welts.
- FLUID BONDING
- Having unprotected sex and exchanging fluids. Sexy in concept, serious in consequence. Proceed only if everyone’s papers are as clean as their sheets used to be.
- FMF
- Female-Male-Female. For when you realize ménage à trois just sounds fancier in French.
- FULL SWAP
- Both couples go all the way with each other. The swingers’ version of “Take your keys, I’ll take your spouse.”
- FUN AND GAMES
- A euphemism for sex. Because saying “We’re playing Twister” keeps the neighbors guessing.
G
- GAY
- Homosexual...male or female. Also describes 90% of the dance floor when Madonna comes on.
- GANGBANG
- Four or more guys (or ladies) with one lucky (or exhausted) participant. Like a team sport, but only one gets a medal.
- GREEK / GREEK CULTURE
- Anal sex. The ancient art of backdoor diplomacy.
- GROUP ROOM
- A room set up for group sex. Wall-to-wall mattresses, no judgment, and one lost sock that nobody claims.
- GROUP SEX
- Sex with three or more people. Kind of like a potluck... everyone brings something to share.
H
- HALL PASS
- Permission to play without your partner present. Used correctly, it’s liberating; used carelessly, it’s divorce court.
- HARD CORE / HARD SWINGING
- A party where sex is assumed and expected. Bring lube, not small talk.
- HEDONIST
- Someone who lives for pleasure. Probably has a frequent flyer account with Hedonism II.
- HETEROSEXUAL
- Attracted to the opposite sex. Still trying to understand why everyone else is having more fun.
- HOMOSEXUAL
- Attracted to the same sex. Twice the wardrobe, half the drama (usually).
- HORNY
- Sexually charged and ready to go. Basically the human version of a “low fuel” warning light.
- HUNG
- Blessed with a large penis. Also responsible for 90% of bad mirror selfies.
- HWP (Height-Weight-Proportionate)
- Code for “I don’t look like I did in my profile pic, but I still clean up nice.”
I
- INDOOR / INDOOR SPORTS
- Swinging in general. Because technically it is a sport... there’s teamwork, sweat, and sometimes injuries that are hard to explain to your chiropractor.
- INTERESTED IN FRIENDSHIP
- Wants more than just a hookup... maybe dinner first, or at least tacos. (Because let’s be honest: nothing says romance like post-play guacamole.)
- IRL (In Real Life)
- Used online to say, “I actually want to meet you outside of chat.” Not to be confused with “IYKYK”...which means they probably really want to meet you.
- ISO (In Search Of)
- The swinger version of a classified ad. “MWC ISO Unicorn” = “Married couple chasing fantasy like it owes them money.”
J
No terms yet... apparently the lifestyle is still working on this letter.
K
- Kink
- Really what we all are, but here it means usually BDSM or Water Works.
L
- LEATHER
- A fetish for the smell, feel, or look of leather. Imagine 50 Shades of Moo.
- LESBIAN
- A woman who loves women. Often the most requested person at a pool party...especially during “Ladies’ Night.”
- LIFESTYLE
- A polite term for “swinging,” “kink,” or “that thing we can’t talk about at Thanksgiving.”
- LS
- Short for Lifestyle. Handy when your autocorrect keeps changing “swinger” to “singer.”
- LTR (Long-Term Relationship)
- A relationship that lasts longer than your average swinger party...rare, but not extinct.
Halfway through and still laughing?
True stories about marriage, humor, adventure, and the occasional decision we just thought would be fun.
Book 2
Destinations, Decadence & Bad Decisions
Is there a stripper in our bed?
Book 3
Age Has Nothing to Do With It
What is a Grilled Dicky Award?
Book 4
From Cootie Corner to Bora Bora
What is an Energizer Unicorn?
M
- MARITAL AIDS
- Dildos, vibrators, and other toys that keep marriages exciting and batteries profitable.
- MASOCHISM
- Getting turned on by receiving pain or humiliation. Basically, “thank you, may I have another?” but with a smile.
- MASTER / SLAVE
- One gives the orders, the other follows. Not to be confused with actual slavery...it’s more like adult Simon Says with paddles.
- MATROOM/PLAYROOM
- A big room for group play... "matroom" if it's actually mats on the floor, "playroom" if there are beds. Either way: think sleepover meets Cirque du Soleil, minus the pajamas
- MEET FOR PLEASURE
- When “Netflix and chill” skips right to the credits. No dinner, no drama, just dessert.
- MÉNAGE À TROIS
- Three people in one bed. The original French import that Americans definitely got right.
- MFM / MFMM
- The swinger math equation where one woman becomes very popular.
- MORESOMES
- More than three people. At some point, it stops being an orgy and starts being a team-building exercise.
- MUTUAL MASTURBATION
- When everyone’s doing their own thing together. Like a synchronized swimming routine...without the pool.
- MWC
- Married White Couple. Think MWC seeks BBC. All acronyms and code for we need it now.
N
- NASCA
- North American Swing Club Association. Because even orgies need an association with bylaws. Not around anymore, and do not confuse this NASCAR!
- NEWCOMERS
- First-timers in the lifestyle. Easily identified by their wide eyes and questions like, “So… do we shake hands first?”
- NSA (No Strings Attached)
- Sex minus the emotional baggage. It’s all fun and games until someone forgets the safe word and the exit plan.
O
- OFF-PREMISE
- When the party’s “meet and greet” doesn’t include actual play...think of it as a lifestyle appetizer.
- ON-PREMISE
- When the party is at a location where sex happens there are beds and showers in the building...think of it as a place where the Full Monty happens, including the DNA!
- OPEN DOOR / OPEN SWINGING
- Everyone plays in the same room. Privacy optional, audience guaranteed.
- ORGY
- A glorious pile of consenting adults where names are optional and hydration is essential.
P
- PARTY
- Three or more people who show up to “hang out” and somehow lose their clothes by dessert.
- PARTY CLOTHES
- What you wear before taking off what you really came in. Think “easy access with flair.”
- PARTY HOUSE
- A swing club that hosts regular on-premise parties. Basically, a B&B where the second “B” stands for “boinking.”
- PASSIVE
- Submissive or quiet partner who’s happy to receive direction...or spankings. Often mistaken for “shy” until you hand them a flogger.
- Porn
- What you hope to make with the video setting on your camera phone, while in your room with other couples naked. It's very hot for you, but very grainy and dark for everyone else.
- P/P (Photo & Phone)
- How swingers used to exchange info before apps existed. The original “send nudes.”
- PRO
- Someone who charges for their services. If you have to ask for rates, it’s not amateur night.
Q
No terms yet... apparently the lifestyle is still working on this letter.
R
- RECREATIONAL SWINGER
- Does it for fun, not feelings. Like bowling...but with fewer shoes and more balls.
- RESTRAINT
- Light bondage for beginners. Great for those who like to feel tied to the moment.
- ROMAN / ROMAN CULTURE
- Group sex, orgies, and wild parties. When in Rome… don’t wear pants.
- RUBBER
- A condom, or a fetish for latex. Also a lifesaver, in every sense of the word.
S
- SADISM
- Pleasure from inflicting pain. Basically, foreplay with a soundtrack of ouch and thank you.
- SAFE
- Means someone can’t get pregnant or impregnate...vasectomy, tubes tied, or divine intervention.
- SAME ROOM
- Couples play side by side. The swinger version of “keeping an eye on things.”
- SEPARATE ROOM
- You do your thing, they do theirs, and you meet later for the post-game recap.
- S&M (Sadism & Masochism)
- Pain, pleasure, and probably a safe word that sounds ridiculous when yelled.
- SINGLE
- A swinger without a partner...sometimes known as “the plus-one who’s everyone’s plus-one.”
- SLUT
- Affectionate term for ladies in the lifestyle, not to be confused with whore, which means you do it for money.
- SOCIAL
- A swinger gathering with no play... allegedly. (Check the parking lot to be sure.)
- SOCIAL SWING CLUB
- A club where people meet for parties, workshops, or orgies disguised as “networking events.”
- SODOMY
- Any sex act not involving the missionary position. Once illegal, now just Saturday night.
- SOFT SWINGERS (aka Soft Swap)
- Couples who fool around but don’t have full penetration. Basically in the “swinger very friendly zone.”
- SOFT SWINGING (SRS)
- Everything but full intercourse. Think of it as foreplay with an audience.
- SPITROAST
- A woman enjoying attention from both ends at once. Not for vegetarians.
- STD
- Sexually Transmitted Disease. Proof that sexy adventures still require homework and testing.
- STR / STR8 / STRAIGHT
- Not into same-sex play. Also used for non-swingers...basically anyone still thinks pineapple is just fruit.
- SUBMISSIVE
- Likes to be told what to do. The only person happy to hear, “On your knees.”
- SWAPPING
- Two couples exchange partners. It’s like partner dancing, just with less clothing and more rhythm.
- SWINGING
- Consensual adult fun with others. Key words: consensual, adult, fun...in that order.
- SWINGER INSURANCE
- ED medication like Viagra or Cialis. Because sometimes the mind is willing, but the body forgot to RSVP.
- SWINGING LIFESTYLE
- When this isn’t just a hobby...it’s a lifestyle. There’s no going back once you’ve ordered “Hedonism” on repeat.
- SWINGING MARRIAGE
- A marriage built on trust, communication, and just enough stamina for round two.
T
- TAN
- Tested Antibody Negative for HIV. Translation: clean bill of health and good to go. No sunscreen needed.
- THREESOME
- Three people. Two get busy, one wonders why they didn’t stretch first.
- TICKET
- A woman brought to a party so her male “friend” can get in. Also known as “human cover charge.”
- TRIAD
- A committed relationship between three people. Not a threesome...think polyamory with better scheduling.
- TWINK
- A young, attractive gay man with the metabolism of a hummingbird and zero body hair.
U
- UNICORN
- Mythical Single Female in the Lifestyle/Swinging. They are out there, but they are one boyfriend away from being a couple...after that, sometimes in the lifestyle, sometimes not.
V
- VANILLA FRIENDS
- What you call your friends at home who are not in the lifestyle. Knowing they are your friends, they might be converted at any time.
- V-SAFE / VAS-SAFE
- The guy’s had a vasectomy. The swimmers are retired, but the pool’s still open.
- VERSATILE
- Enjoys being both top and bottom. The true multitasker of the bedroom.
- VIRGINS
- First-timers in the lifestyle. It might be their first experience with other swingers or their first visit to a club or resort. Just don't be surprised if someone jokingly refers to them as... "Fresh Meat."
- VOLUPTUOUS
- Curvy, full-bodied, and proudly built for pleasure. Think “dangerous curves ahead.”
- VOYEUR
- Loves watching others play. Think of them as the lifestyle’s quiet film critics.
- VOYEURISM
- Getting off by watching others have sex. Great hobby...terrible job interview answer.
- VWE (Very Well Endowed)
- The kind of guy who gets asked, “Is that thing registered as a weapon?”
W
- Wingwoman or Wingman
- The good friend who helps you find your next bed playmate. Think of them as your personal Amazon delivery service... no Prime membership required.
X
No terms yet... apparently the lifestyle is still working on this letter.
Y
No terms yet... apparently the lifestyle is still working on this letter.
Z
- ZIPLESS
- A sexual encounter so disappointing it barely counts. Think "zipless f**k." If this word enters the conversation, it's probably time for a do-over... preferably with someone else.
The lifestyle keeps inventing new words faster than our dictionaries can keep up. If there's a term you'd like us to explain, let us know. If it's real... we'll add it.
Questions Couples Ask
Is swinging the same as an open marriage?
For all practical purposes... yes.
That doesn't mean the door is always wide open.
Every couple has different rules. Remember... you still have to wake up next to your partner in the morning. Would you rather wake up beside someone smiling like they just walked off the set of a 1950s sitcom... or an angry Pharaoh ready to have your head removed because you forgot to ask one simple question?
Communication beats sleeping on the couch.
You won't think of every question... and you definitely won't have every answer. But talking about the possibilities before they happen can prevent a whole lot of unnecessary drama.
Besides... those conversations are often half the fun.
What's the difference between soft swap and full swap?
Great question...
Years ago, during one of our newcomers meetings, a sweet lady raised her hand and asked, "How can you swap if it's soft?"
After I stopped laughing...
Soft swap means couples have agreed to many things... just not intercourse. Oral, kissing, and plenty of other activities may be fine... depending on the couple's rules.
Full swap means intercourse is also on the menu. For some couples... everything is on the menu, maybe even anal.
One more piece of advice...
Have all the rules discussed before anyone starts taking their clothes off. In the heat of passion... memories become remarkably blurry.
Is swinging considered cheating?
There's a T-shirt that says...
"It isn't cheating if your husband is watching."
That pretty much sums up the swinging lifestyle.
If everyone involved has agreed to it... it's not cheating.
Does that mean everyone has to be in the same room? Nope. Some couples prefer that. Others don't. Every relationship writes its own rulebook.
The only rule that really matters is this...
Talk about the rules before anyone gets naked. Communication may not be sexy... but sleeping on the couch isn't either.
How do couples avoid jealousy?
This may surprise you...
They don't.
Jealousy happens. Even after years in the lifestyle. The difference is that strong couples talk about it instead of pretending it doesn't exist.
You don't become swingers to fix a relationship. You become swingers because you already have one worth risking awkward conversations for.
Sooner or later you'll meet someone who's better in bed... or someone who's ridiculously attractive. It happens.
We looked at it differently. If someone did something amazing... we'd shamelessly steal the idea and try it at home.
And if Judy pointed out a gorgeous guy?
I'd usually say, "He's so hot... I might have sex with him."
For the record... I'm not bisexual. It was still worth the laugh.
Talk about those feelings before anyone gets naked. Jealousy isn't what hurts relationships... surprises do.