Swinger Answers... the Judy & Hugh Way

This may surprise you...

They don't.

Jealousy happens. Even after years in the lifestyle. The difference is that strong couples talk about it instead of pretending it doesn't exist.

You don't become swingers to fix a relationship. You become swingers because you already have one worth risking awkward conversations for.

Sooner or later you'll meet someone who's better in bed... or someone who's ridiculously attractive. It happens.

We looked at it differently. If someone did something amazing... we'd shamelessly steal the idea and try it at home.

And if Judy pointed out a gorgeous guy?

I'd usually say, “He's so hot... I might have sex with him.”

For the record... I'm not bisexual. It was still worth the laugh.

Talk about those feelings before anyone gets naked. Jealousy isn't what hurts relationships... surprises do.

Are you kidding?

You think you can have sex with other people and that will make your troubled marriage go away?

Really... you have to have a strong marriage to even start to look into swinging.

If your marriage is fractured in any way, how are you dealing with things like...

“Well... he's a better lover.”

Or...

“She's so much hotter than you.”

I can see the paint peeling off the wall from here.

We have yet to see this work.

There are people who will never make the leap into the lifestyle. You will not be able to force them...

and shouldn't.

It's sort of like one person wants to skydive and the other doesn't...

Are you pushing them out of the perfectly good plane?

Sorry... this is not a good answer and it's not funny either.

Have you ever heard of this fancy new thing called the Internet?

There are lifestyle dating sites everywhere. Most you can join for free, but to actually contact anyone you will need a paid subscription.

Just the facts... you probably will not meet anyone on these sites unless you are model hot.

You will see a lot of dick pics... single guys think this is more important than looks and personality.

What the sites can do for you is help you find meet and greets in your area where you can go...

and hope your pastor didn't arrive before you.

Some do... some don't.

Best to ask this question before all of your clothing is off.

There really is no hard-and-fast rule.

We actually talked about this in our first book...

Sorry... shameless plug.

Lots of scared people just like you...

Not really... we had to have some fun.

A good host will try to introduce you around to other couples to help break the ice.

Meet and greets are the easiest way to start this venture. You can arrive with your clothes on and leave with most of them in the same location.

At times the buttons are out of whack and your hair is disheveled.

If this does happen, you can walk to your car with pride... you had a great night.

Get out your legal pad and fresh pens.

This list is going to be long... and I doubt we cover everything.

Kissing... yes or no?

A lot of people see this as intimate, but for us, if you don't kiss... we may not ever make it to the bedroom.

Taking one for the team...

Should you play with someone you are not interested in because your partner is interested in the other person?

Not fun... not funny either.

Condoms...

Today this is not as cut and dry as it has been in the past.

We bring them but aren't happy about using them.

Still, like before, this is much better to talk about before your clothes are on the floor.

Soft swap or full swap?

Most couples start with soft swap. Girl on girl... oral... but no penetration.

Full swap is a commitment. For some people it's easy... for others, not so much.

For us these days, it's like smelling the cake cooking and not being able to eat it until maybe next weekend.

Veto power...

Similar to taking one for the team.

Of course, no one likes stopping in the middle of things...

but this is where NO means NO comes from.

Playing separately...

This is advanced swinging... you need a special decoder ring for this.

We played with couples only for over twenty years in the lifestyle.

Now it's limited, but we do play separately... usually on the same ship or at the same resort.

We don't date people.

Private texting...

I think some people are looking for drama.

As far as I know, I can't have sex over the phone by text.

Sort of like reading porn.

We don't really have this problem. We have the other person's texts on our computer.

Both she and I can text anyone and say most anything.

We are not dating on the side.

Repeat partners...

Is seeing the same person or couple repeatedly okay... or does that start feeling too much like dating?

Not for us.

We like certain people and play with them often.

As of yet, neither of us has gone off to Las Vegas to get married to someone.

Friends versus strangers...

Really... this is a question?

Okay... coworkers can at times be a problem.

But why wouldn't you want a friend in the bed?

And if she or he lives next door... even better, right?

I think this is just another way for drama to happen.

It's about sex, people... not love.

Photos and videos...

This I can see.

But if you've ever taken a photo of your wife naked...

I can almost bet you've shown it to a friend.

It's probably floating around the Internet somewhere.

You may have never uploaded it...

but some ten-year-old hacked your phone for fun and uploaded the photo to get into some gaming group.

Alcohol and drugs...

We never did the drug thing, but we see it happening.

For us, dulling the experience is never a good thing.

As far as alcohol...

for guys, too much is not always a good thing.

STI testing and disclosure...

Yes... often.

If you play regularly, once a quarter at least is common.

We do our own odd schedules... sometimes six weeks apart.

Unfortunately, this is not the fun or funny part.

We've had quite a few scares, but never anything more than a UTI.

No playing on the first date...

Apparently a reasonably common starter rule.

Not really reasonable for us.

It's like being at a strip joint and they can't even give you a lap dance.

Leaving together...

If one person is uncomfortable, does that mean both go home?

Yes.

You arrived together... you go home together.

It's a team sport.

Do swinger rules change over time?

You bet.

They can change during the night... and have... and should.

This is all about fantasy.

You don't want to miss a fantasy you both want to happen because of a rule no one else cares about.

There are more for sure...

but these cover a lot.

Are you out of ink... or paper?